We had a massive fricking earthquake up and down the East Coast this week.

Property damage was minimal – one spire fell off the National Cathedral and a potential crack in the Washington Monument is being investigated.

So with no damage or reported injuries, the snark could take center stage.

The @DCQuake Twitter feed popped up shortly after the earth settled.  It wasn’t me – I swear!  (Although there was one particular message they posted that was well-crafted!)

Yes, the day was frightening.  Cell service was down for hours.  It was beyond scary.

But looking back, what a wild experience!

I got an email from my cousin saying, “Well, you can cross ‘survive an earthquake’ off your bucket list now!”  Brilliant.

What were some of your favorite snark-quake notes and Tweets?

Let me leave you with this:

I saw this poster today, and it is a perfect summation of the snark surrounding this quake:

I don’t take to calling people names.

My feelings in image form.

Search through this site and you’ll be hard-pressed to find name-calling.  Strong opinions?  All the time.  Calling people out for dumb things?  Hundreds of instances.

But name-calling, not so much.

But Zach Houchins is an idiot.

For those unfamiliar with his story: He was a baseball player drafted by the Washington Nationals earlier this year in the 15th round.

Shortly after the draft, his Twitter account was spread around and it had some naughty, naughty things on it.

From The Washington Post’s Adam Kilgore, who described it best: “In June, Houchins deleted his Twitter account, which included rampant epithets depicting African-Americans, many phrases objectifying women, an objectionable term to describe homosexuals and at least one epithet used to describe Chinese people.”

Yikes.

I was interviewed at the time by NBC 4 in Washington, DC, about social media and how he could fix this.

The Nationals will not sign Houchins, who will return to college in the fall.

He apologized to the team for his actions (which is a good thing), but his quotes about the situation are astonishingly stupid and show little true remorse.

Houchins, talking to Bill Lasden of MLB.com said, “I’m not a racist, not at all. … Four of my best friends, two of them are black, one of them was my roommate. He is probably one of the closest people I’ve ever been around. … Me and my four best friends became so close, it’s just how we talk. It wasn’t anything derogatory or anything like that. It’s just how we talk.”

More from Houchins (via Kilgore): “Honestly, in my eyes, there was no lesson to learn,” Houchins said. “It’s just what I said got blown out of proportion, and I paid the price for it.”

So you are allowed to use racial epithets filled with centuries of hatred because your roommate is African-American?

Really, there is no lesson to learn?  You were drafted by a Major League Baseball team who now wants NOTHING to do with you because of what you posted.  You could have signed a HUGE contract and now will go back to eating in the dining hall and there is NO LESSON TO LEARN?

Who blew what you said out of proportion?  Every reaction I’ve seen has been quite reasonable.

You said stupid things and when you had an opportunity to show that you actually learned from the mistakes, you acted like an even bigger idiot.

For your sake, I hope your pitching arm gets you into the big leagues, because it’s quite clear that your mouth is keeping you out.

I live in Washington, DC, the city where people come to air their grievances with the government.

All over the city, there are protests and rallies and picket lines.  It seems that there is almost always some sort of labor dispute downtown, especially with manual workers.

But here is the problem: I walk past them everyday and have NO IDEA what they are protesting against.

Is it bad wages?  A jerk boss?  Unsafe work conditions?  Beats me.

So, as a public service, here are Five Steps To A Perfect Protest that will show “The Man” you mean business:

1. Signage: Make sure your signs are readable and clear.  Remember that we live in a Tweetable culture now, so the shorter the better.  I don’t need to know EVERY detail of your dispute with management.  In fact, give me a headline.

“Company X Kills Kittens!”  “Company Y Uses Child Labor!”

See?  Easy to understand and now I’m on your side.

2. Chanting Partially Works.  Contrary to popular belief, a lot of people saying the same thing at the same time sounds horrible.  Ever go to a concert where people are singing along with the band?  While it may be a neat experience if you know the words, you can’t really make out the lyrics.

Chant to draw attention, but let your signs (See #1 above) do the heavy lifting.

3. Call Me To Action.  Tell me what I can do to help.  If the company is really doing heinous things, people will want to assist.  Just making noise does nothing.

In fact, it actually does something: make me resent you for blocking the sidewalk for a pointless protest.

A great call to action would be a website link where you have a more fully-developed case against the offending company.  Then a link to email a decision-maker.

4. Be different. There are so many protests, marches, rallies, yours needs to stand out to get anyone to notice.  Try a live band.  Or t-shirts.  Or have everyone wear a suit.  Something to catch the eyes of those walking by – and let the signs and call to action do the rest of the work.

Unleash your creativity!

5. Don’t Hire Bums.  This is really, really important.  While I am all about creating job opportunities, hiring homeless people to pad your picket line is not an effective way to garner public support.

Make sure the people protesting are directly impacted by the offending party – the passion will shine through.

If you take these five steps, I can guarantee you’ll have a well-organized, effective protest.  Now, if it connects with passersby or the “Man” is up to you.

Dear Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority,

My name is Mike Schaffer and I have been a Metro passenger for my entire life.

Some of my earliest memories are of day trips with my family to museums and monuments in town.

When I changed jobs last year and was able to ride the Metro instead of driving, I gladly made the switch.

Unfortunately, I am very disappointed at your inability to solve a simple issue.

This morning, flooding around the Anacostia River caused major Green Line delays in both directions.  To delay the rail in both directions, I’m sure it was a nasty natural disaster.  I’m also confident that your staff was doing everything possible to ensure safety and the swift return of normal service.

However, after waiting 30 minutes and seeing only one jam-packed train come through the station, I realized waiting on the platform wasn’t the best use of my time.

Upon exiting the stations, the manager informed me that, despite not stepping foot on a train, they would be charging me the full “peak” minimum of $2.15.

I explained that I thought that was an unfair practice, but quickly realized the manager didn’t have any say over something like that.

A few minutes later, less $2.15 on my SmartTrip Card, I called the customer service line and spoke with a very nice operator.

After calmly explaining my situation, I was informed that it may take 7-10 days for the Metro Fare Adjustment Department to even consider whether to overturn my $2.15 “fare.”  If I was lucky, a staffer from the Green Line team may call me back in a few days.

The operator told me that the reason I was charged was that service was being provided, just slowly.  Very, very slowly.

And here’s where I disagree.  Like hundreds of thousands (millions?) of Washingtonians, I rely on Metro to get to work every morning.  If there are delays due to natural circumstances, like floods, and you can’t get me to work, you shouldn’t charge me for waiting to see when the next train would come.  You didn’t provide me a service, yet charged me for it.

Am I overreacting to $2.15?  Yes, I most definitely am.

However, it’s the principle that you won’t easily refund a charge that never should have been taken that has me so upset.

Think about this: If I had called customer service, provided my SmartTrip number and received an instant reversal of the $2.15 charge, I would be talking about how incredible your service team was.

Sadly, I have a bitter taste in my mouth about Metro, now understanding how you value the quick hit of $2.15 more than long-term customer satisfaction.

To be fair, I’ve had infinitely more positive Metro experiences than negative ones.  I enjoy my trips and even some of the hardships have led to funny stories at social gatherings.

But the inexcusable inability to fix this promptly is weighing heavily on me.  A $2.15 refund isn’t a big deal; being told to wait up to 10 days for a ruling to see if I’ll even get it kinda sorta is.  That’s just bad customer service, no matter how polite, courteous and thorough your agent was (and he definitely was).

My case number is #620253.

Sincerely,

Mike Schaffer

Longtime Rider

Have you always wanted to work in the PR, marketing or social media industry?

Are you job-hunting?

Do you want to mentor aspiring professionals?

Are you looking for your next team-member?

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, then you need to attend the Washington, DC #HAPPO Hour on Thursday, February 24th!  It’s all part of the Help A PR Pro Out movement that has been helping  foster a network of PR pros and job-hunters of all experience levels for over a year now.

(Click here to read other HAPPO entries on this site.)

There will be live events in cities across the USA, and it’s up to DC to show why we are the most powerful city in the world!

We’re meeting at Ping Pong Dim Sum in Chinatown (1.5 blocks from Gallery Place Metro) from 6-8pm (or later…their kumquat mojito is amazing!) for an evening of networking, advice-sharing, and maybe even some resume critiquing, if you bring a few copies!

Spread the word, be there, bring friends – it will be the social event of the season!  (Mega-bonus points for getting the reference!)

For the Twitterfolk, use hashtags #HAPPO and #HAPPODC to discuss and show what DC’s all about!

The details:

DC #HAPPO Hour

Thursday, February 24th

6pm until 8pm

Ping Pong Dim Sum

900 7th Street Northwest
Washington D.C., DC 20001-3886
(202) 506-3740